I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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