By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize