Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
