I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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