the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize