a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
