I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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