Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Found the puke drawer
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
