Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
