got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
