after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
