i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
