I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
