your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
