They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
