Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
