The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
