I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
