wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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