life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
a search helicopter?!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize