Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
