what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
