That's intense
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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