jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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