You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
