I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize