The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
