my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
