You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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