people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize