3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
