planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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