Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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