You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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