Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I didn't notice because vodka
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
