No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
