how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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