Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You made out with two different species that night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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