Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I want to be your penis for a week.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
