talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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