And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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