She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
