im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
