i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
