I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
