I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
