I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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