i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
