one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
