wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
