You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
