i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
