Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
