that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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