Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
