see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
