Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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