what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
