Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
