we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we made out on top of his cat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
