Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
