he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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