Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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