My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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