Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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