i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
