So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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