i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
