I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
